This blog is about funny,humorous and serious dating and relationship horror stories and mishaps.
Showing posts with label Dating Advice for Women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dating Advice for Women. Show all posts
Friday, June 22, 2012
Playing With A Drip
It was tough living across the hall from one of the most amazing specimens of a man that I had ever laid eyes on. He was your classic tall dark and handsome. He had all his deep brown hair, a muscular physique, and was tall. At least six feet two inches I have never had any problems attracting the attention of men, and he would have been perfect for my five foot ten 'statuesque' body, but there was just one problem with this guy. We could not keep a conversation going for the love of us. I mean every time we passed in the hall, all we managed to do was grunt hello at each other. I tried a couple of times to strike up a conversation, but they always ended up in awkward silences after less than three sentences. At times I thought he was shy, but I was more inclined to believe that he was just not that into me.
I was single and had a roommate. I had never known her before she responded to an ad I took out in the paper. I needed someone to split the rent with. It is kind of tough for single women like ourselves who are just getting started in the work force to rent an apartment on our own, so like so many other women, we rented a two bedroom apartment and split the costs. We got along reasonably well, and did our best to warn each other if we might be bringing a hottie home with us that night so the other could stay out of the way. Since my roommate was a sex screamer, I usually holed up in my room with my mp3 player on full and a good romantic novel. Sometimes I would just lay back and entertain myself with my vibrator. With that lack of privacy, we became quite close friends and often shared our deepest secrets and life aims.
At this particular time, I was between boyfriends. As many women have experienced, when you have nobody in your life on a daily basis, you start to slip up on the care and maintenance of your body department. Since I had snagged a couple of pair of panty hose in the last few days on my leg stubble, the cost of not maintaining was starting to catch up with the maintenance costs. I only had so many pairs of slacks, and after a while it got boring wearing pants every day. Since my room mate was going out with her current beau that night, I decided to give myself the once over. Dye my roots, shave off the stubble on my legs, and took a nice long bubble bath.
One good thing about our apartment was that it seemed to have limitless supplies of hot water, so I took to indulging in that luxury at every opportunity. So after I had touched up my roots, I had a quick shower to wash the excess dye out of my hair. Then I shaved my legs. At that point I drained the tub, had another quick rinse in the shower to get any stray hairs off of my body, and then filled the tub again for a nice long, hot bubble bath. I laid back with my eyes closed for about five minutes, when I heard the sound of a single drip. A few seconds later there was another one, and then another. So much for peace and quiet. I sat up hoping to fix it. My first thought was that I had not shut off the tap tightly enough, but when I checked that was not the case. Then I realized that it must just be the shower draining back through the spout.
I tried to relax again, but the constant dripping was just wearing on me. My own little personal Chinese water torture. So I rested against the back of the tub again, and lifted my toe up to the end of the faucet. The next drip just ran down my toe, down my foot and slipped silently into the water. Since that worked pretty well, I kept doing it. Pretty soon I was just laying there with my eyes closed running my toe around the end of the spout. I guess I dozed off because the next thing I knew, I was breathing in soap bubbles. Naturally I sneezed, and the reflex made my toe jam up into the spout. No amount of trying would get that toe to move. It was like it had been glued in.
I sat there for about a half hour trying to remove my toe, but I could not. I was starting to see the silliness of the situation but the water was getting cooler. An hour or so later, there was no more humor in the situation. The water was cold and I was shivering. I realized that I could just touch my towel, so after hitching it over, I let the water out and covered myself with my makeshift blanket. By this time my entire leg was aching and my toe was pretty much numb. All I could do was sit back and wait for my roommate to get back from her date.
Fortunately for me she came in early. She had had a fight with her boyfriend. So when she came in, I called her to come and help me. She tried all the things I had already, with pretty much the same results. The notable exception was that it hurt a lot more. My roommate suggested the fire department, but I put a stop to that right away. I said that they would likely use something to cut the tap off the wall. I was concerned about the bill to the landlord. I was also concerned about what would happen to my toe if they slipped while cutting the spout off.
Since I would not let her call the fire department, or the paramedics for that matter, she did the only other thing that she could think of. She ran out and knocked on the door of the hunky guy across the hall. He opened the door for her right away, and came over immediately. At least I was mostly covered when he walked in. He tried the brute force approach that my roommate and I had already attempted, but with no better luck. When I screamed, he was immediately contrite, and begged my forgiveness. He looked so woebegone that he had hurt me that I had to forgive him. I mean what else could I do, he was trying to help! He was even more hunky up close. He was wearing a tee shirt and his muscles were rippling as he had almost removed my toe from my foot.
He asked for some vegetable oil and crushed ice after he thought about things a bit more. Seemed strange to me, but my roommate rushed to give him what he wanted. When she returned he cupped his hands around my big toe and asked her to pour some oil in. When they were finished, I had oil all over my toe, and there was also oil up inside the spout. He tried pulling gently, but it still was stuck. Next he packed my toe in the crushed ice for about ten minutes and tried again. He reasoned that my toe had swollen in the hot water and having been jammed. He tried again, and it still did not work.
So he thought about it some more and then asked my roommate for a plastic freezer bag or something sort of heavy plastic sheeting. She returned with a grocery store bag and a heavier bag from a woman's boutique that she frequented. He said the grocery bag was too thin, but decided that the bag from the boutique would be adequate for his purposes. He then went to his apartment and came back with a wrench. He removed the shower head, put the bag over the pipe, and then put the shower head back on. When I asked why he did that, he said it would keep the water from coming out. I could see that, but I still did not understand why he needed to do that. Then he iced my toe again for about twenty minutes. It sure was getting cold by then. At this point, he pulled down on my foot and told my roommate to turn the water on full blast. Out popped my toe. He slipped and fell on top of me and in the scramble my towel fell off.
After the shock, I started to laugh. I mean, there I was fully naked with this hot guy all over me, and my roommate looking on. It was almost like some sort of threesome porn movie. We were soon all doubled up in hysterical laughter. The laughter covered up any embarrassment that I might have felt over being naked. But to tell the truth, I was just so relieved to be free of the toe trap, that I couldn't care less.
The best thing about the evening though was that it smashed that darn communication problem we were having. We chatted and laughed for the rest of the evening, and I maneuvered him into asking me out the next night before I let him go home. The next night, I was still limping a bit, but I sure did enjoy myself, and so did he.
That was six months ago and everything has been doing great since then. Who would have thought that my date with a drip would have worked out so well.
See more humorous dating stores and advice at:
Humorous Dating Advice
Friday, June 1, 2012
Fishing For Love In All The Wrong Places
I was single and totally disillusioned with my life. I was tired of eating at home alone every night in my empty apartment. I did not have a ton of time on my hands to prowl bars. I did not have the finances to be out every night either, so I thought I should try a free online dating site. I had a friend who suggested that I give Plenty-Of-Fish a try. The same seemed weird to me, but I trusted my friend so I created a profile. I mean, there was nothing to lose but my time, because the site is pretty much free. To my way of thinking, it seems that plenty of fish is good at catching the fishermen, but not so good at helping the fishermen catch fish. Needless to say, I was not impressed with the matches that I got on that site. Maybe I should have been using worms for bait rather than me.
My first experience connecting with a man from POF started out okay. He said he was from France, and seemed genuine enough. I was excited about dating a French lover. On our first date, the first thing that he wanted to do was to go to his house for drinks. I was hungry and suggested that we go to dinner first. He very calmly sized me up and then said, “I am not interested in feeding your, I am only interested in having sex with you.” Well my response to that was, “Unless you want to be wearing your balls as a pair of earrings, take your filthy hands off me”.
My God, I could go on for many days telling you about the sleazy guys I met on plenty of fish. Pigs who tell you anything to get you in bed. From just plain liars to married men, to just mere perverts. The psychos that continue to call even after you tell them to go fly a kite, and threaten to call the police. There is even a Gaga video that shows POF being used in prison. From my experiences, I will bet money that prison inmates have full access to this site.
I have never seen a place before with such a concentration of liars and cheats. In my several months with POF I met over twenty guys in person. Most of them never got past the first date. A couple got to the second date but no farther. And it turns out that the only one with more potential than that confessed to be an illegal alien on the fifth date. I liked the guy, but with an agenda like that I could never be sure why he was interested in me. One way that I found to cull out a lot of them was to insist on going on video chat with them. I kept setting up throw away accounts on Hotmail just for that purpose. Many would not, and several who did should not have because they looked unkept, and nothing like their pictures. POF does have one good thing to say about it. If you are a bit short on looks, you will still get a lot of attention.
The end of the end with POF for me came after a date with a CPA that I met through them. He lived in an upscale condo in Manhattan. The date started out great, he took me too a great restaurant, he bought expensive wine, everything was top of the line. I had never went back to anyone's apartment before on a first date, but I made a rare exception in his case. Everything seemed to be on the up and up with him. He was attentive in his apartment as well. We listened to music while we talked and kissed and snuggled. It was so great! Just at the point where I was beginning to think that I had finally found a keeper on POF, the axe fell. The creep got around to telling me that he wanted me to prance around his apartment naked wearing nothing but a horse tail butt plug. Well I picked up my purse and slugged him with it. Needless to say, I told him I have never been so disgusted in all my life and galloped out of the door.
It was then I realized that POF was not for me and deleted my profile. I was discouraged, and decided to never join another dating site.I was in the dumps about all of this and I promised myself that I would never do internet dating again. My friend felt bad about what had happened to me, so she looked around a bit on her own. She came back to me with a link that she discovered. Said that it had a bunch of recommended dating sites on it. She encouraged my to check it out to see if I could find a better site. “Boy was she right on the money this time!” It was incredible, there were so many links to so many dating sites I was in awe. I checked out a few of the sites and signed up on three. The nice thing was that all of these were free for women, but the men had to pay. That must help filter out a lot of the cretins, because it has been better. Anyway, it was a good move because now I am meeting men who are looking for longer term commitments rather than just a roll in the sack. I’m really enjoying my social life again, and I couldn't be happier.
Most dating sites are not bad, although the totally free ones tend to attract more riffraff I am told. Even the best dating sites will have a few bad apples in them. You have to be on your guard anywhere. With internet dating you have to practice safe hex before you practice safe sex. Some sites will take that little extra step in an effort to keep their site safe. Bad apples will always find away to slip in to any site though, so its up to you to be aware of this and to not give out to much private information.
So visit the link below. It has some great advice for online dating as well as lists of recommended dating sites. I think you will find what your looking for just like me. Good luck.
Online Dating Recommendations
Friday, April 13, 2012
How Would You Like To Ware Your Balls As A Pair Of Ear Rings
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Thursday, March 22, 2012
Does Size Matter?
The importance of size is a question that men have been asking for as long as there have been cucumbers and baby corn growing in the garden. Does penis size really matter? For some women, size – especially penis girth – is very important for them in a satisfying sexual partner. Luckily, scientists have found a simple way for women to see if a man they are interested in is packing some serious trouser meat without staring at their crotch.
A sample study in Korea has recently discovered that the ratio of a man's index finger to his ring finger is an accurate measure of his meat treat. The larger the length of the ring finger when compared to the index finger, the more that the man's underwear seams are straining. It all has to do with the amount of testosterone or estrogen that the male child is exposed to during pregnancy - the more testosterone the longer the ring finger, and proportionately, the penis.
Apparently, the long ring finger syndrome also indicates higher intelligence. Of course if that were true, then Ron Jeremy (the famous porn star known for his prodigious penis) would be in Mensa. This likely means that the next fad in plastic surgery will be for guys to shorten their index fingers in a bid for increased intelligence.
So now a simple handshake will let a woman discreetly assess whether a man has enough of a package to keep her happy Easy!
Despite society’s focus on what a man is packing, there have been some recent men’s movements that try to reduce the fascination with penis size. These groups contend that it is not the man who should worry about their genitals, but women. After all, they contend, a man can do nothing about the size of his penis, but a woman CAN do something about the tightness of her vagina.
Women are encouraged to exercise their kegel muscles. Women who have just had a baby know all about the benefits of Kegels for re-strengthening their lady parts for things like preventing incontinence, but these men’s groups contend that all women could benefit from having a vice-like vagina.
Kegel Exercises for a Tighter Vagina!
On a side note, there is much that a man can gain from kegel exercises and tantra sex so that they can have more intense orgasms, more frequent orgasms, and multiple orgasms. You gotta love that guys!
Kegel Exercises for stronger male orgasms!
Future generations may enjoy genetic manipulation so that no man will ever have to suffer with a three inch tool again!
Dating and Relationships Advice for Men
Dating and Relationships Advice for Women
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